No Anchor

My name is Rachel. This started as a blog for my overseas adventures, but has developed into a journal for extraordinary daily happenings.

I woke up last night at 2AM to Billy stoking my head and staring at me. I asked him why he was being creepy, and he told me he thought I was the cat. 

I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t sleep for hours. I kept thinking about the interviews I would give after finding out he was a serial killer.

'Yeah, he was just lying there staring at me in the dark, stroking my head. And that was when I first knew.'

Luckily, we discussed it this morning and had a good laugh when I described my experience. I guess I can take the knife out from under my pillow now. 

'Hip stuff'

I know I’m out of touch when I type some version of ‘cool things’ into my search bar. It’s the kind of thing I look behind myself after I do to be sure no one saw…

Then I write about it on my blog to be sure I get full credit.

Things Billy Hates #6

Moo moos.

Aka. Those long dresses that are so popular now-a-days.

'That looks stupid; what is she hiding under there, a wooden leg?' is often his reaction.

Things Billy Hates #5

He found it!!!

He hates the first post because I say that I wag my rear end. Apparently, it’s ‘trashy’. Will that put a stop to the posts?

Not a chance.

In reality, all of the things I am going to list in this series will have no weight or make any sense at all, so buckle down and prepare for a lot more of this nonsense.

Things Billy Hates #4

Mushrooms

Meet my cat, Garbage. This is a picture of him ‘chillin’ on the couch.

Things Billy Hates #3

When people walk their carts down the wrong side of the grocery aisle.

Things Billy Hates #2

Farmer’s markets, or any crowded event with booths.

Things Billy Hates #1

Along with my usual posts, I am going to start a segment called ‘Things Billy Hates’ without his knowing or consent. I think it is best he finds out more organically. 

As much as you readers might want the full list all at once. I am going to take this thing one day at a time, and just drop little nuggets as we go along. 

'Bon appetit!'  (Billy hates when I say this to him in reference to my rear end- I usually wag it in front of his face so there's no mistaking; it's sort of a classy way of saying 'kiss my butt')

Laundromat

-First post from my new home in Chicago-

Still getting used to having to go to the laundromat. Thus far, I have not had a visit without feeling slightly nervous about at least one of my fellow ‘matters’. I would say that I don’t enjoy it, but life is about stories, and my time there has certainly left me with a few. 

During our last visit, Saturday morning, we were approached by an older, vivacious gentleman, who pointed out that Billy was doing most of the loading. 

'Look at you! You are doing all of her laundry, and she doesn't even appreciate you!'

He was just getting started….

'Look at that smile! Oh, what a gorgeous smile; your little canine teeth! OOOHHHH!' (STILL talking to Billy, mind you.) 'You know the statue of David? You put him to  SHAME! ….. (pause for staring) … I would be your sugar daddy. Or mommy!'

We quickly moved to the corner where we tried to stop giggling and avoided eye contact, but a little later while I was reading and Billy was on his phone, he came walking over.

'You two are the happiest couple I have ever seen! I mean you are sitting here, not saying anything to each other…. (he actually starts crying- CRYING) and you can just tell, you're so happy together. It's like an aura! Just promise me one thing.'

Billy reluctantly says, ‘What’s that?’

'Nothing.' 

We’re both giggling, ‘You got it.’ Billy promises him. 

As we walked home Billy walked faster than I’ve ever seen, and kept asking, ‘is he following us?’, ‘is he behind us?’ 

I don’t know when our next laundromat visit is, but I know I’m not the only one that can’t wait.